How To Snool a Snivelard, Snollygoster or Snoutband

Snooling is not so hard. Anyone can to do it with a bit of practice, but I don’t recommend it. To snool someone, nag them constantly, driving them into a deep depression.

This skill would be fun to try on a snivelard (a whiny person), and a snollygoster (an unprincipled politician). It will be a challenge to try on a snoutband. I am sure you know a few of them. A snoutband is a person who constantly interrupts a conversation to contradict you.

As a writer, I spend a fair amount of time searching for the often elusive perfect word. This quest has led me to discover oodles of words for which I have no need. Until now!

Let’s play a game. I will use these words in a series of sentences and you can try to figure out the meaning. I will list the definitions at the end.

Ready?

Dave was feeling crapulent after a night out with the guys.

He met some old buddies including Jim, a known gynopiper and always friendly but gambrinous Chris.

They kedged and drank and played pool, rather poorly.

Chris played the worst and broke the pub’s pool cue in a barlichood fit.

Dave called it a night. He kecked on the way to his car and still felt crapulent.

For the record, Dave is not a tosspot, although he spent the better part of last summer in London, enjoying the ales that he can’t get here in the U.S. He was not there on vacation. He was with a plunderbund.

Now I don’t like to be a crepehanger. I don’t mind my husband going out and having a few drinks on occasion. I just don’t appreciate being woken up when he comes home. I have been sleep deprived for the last 8 years, and admit to being a clinomaniac. I have also suffered from ergophobia since I was a teenager.

I have some redeeming qualities. I take good care of my appearance and am not some old clarty-paps.

And for all you momes reading this, I was trying to be twee.

***Dave's friends names have been changed to protect their identity. These sentences are purely fictional. Any similarites to my life, and my husband Dave are purely coincidental.

• Crapulent: derived from the Latin crapula; sick from drinking and/ or eating too much
• gynopiper: one who stares lewdly at women
• gambrinous: full of beer
• kedge: to fill oneself with meat
• barlichood: a mean drunk
• keck: to attempt to vomit, unsuccessfully
• tosspot: drunk
• plunderbund: a thieving group of businessmen
• crepehanger: pessimistic killjoy
• clinomaniac: suffering from an excessive desire to stay in bed
• ergophobia: an intense hatred or fear of work
• clarty-paps: a dirty, slovenly wife
• mome: nitpicking critic
• twee: overly cute